Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
