Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think my moral compass just broke
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize