now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
