i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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