Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
