Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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