I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
