Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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