I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
