I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
