Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
