okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
