Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Boobs are out for the taking
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
