Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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