I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
