She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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