When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Life is so much better after having sex.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize