I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
