I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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