Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
