Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
