what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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