I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
