He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
