Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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