shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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