then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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