farters have to be the big spoon...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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