I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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