I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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