I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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