She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
