i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize