Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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