i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
