i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
