Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
