u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
