I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
