i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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