More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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