So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
