did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
