i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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