Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
