At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
