so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
