I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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