Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
