I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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