People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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