dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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