Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
