Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
