So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
