I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
