matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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