I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize