Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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