dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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