he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This is my gift to your gina
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize