You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
