you would pick up someone in the library
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
