I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
