I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
