I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
