Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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