whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
