i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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