obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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