You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
