i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
