i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
