He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
