Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
