i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
