How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
