remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
