Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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