Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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