I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
