gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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