i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize