I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize