Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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