Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
