This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
