I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
this just has baby written all over it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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