The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
