i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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