just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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