i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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