you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize