we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
