My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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