Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
