did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
