i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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