so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
