She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
